Why is it difficult to break a dysfunctional relationship

It is easy to give advice to a person who is poorly addressed by a partner: “Yes, just get away from him!»In the end, how can you continue relations with someone who constantly makes you hurt? Unfortunately, making this decision is much more difficult than it seems at first glance.

First, any attempt to care is related to a certain risk. “When the victim tries to break off relations and leave, the cruelty from the partner is usually exacerbated sharply,” explains the clinical psychologist David Veksler. – For the victim, this is the most dangerous period “.

Instead of condemning a friend or relative, you should think that they probably carefully weigh everything and try to find the safest action option.

They are afraid that the former partner will begin to take revenge

The breakdown of the relationship automatically puts the victim in a vulnerable position. “And what if they will track me? Turn it? Wrap? They will destroy my reputation?”Such thoughts usually arise in a victim of cruelty when she thinks about leaving.

It is possible that a person consciously decides not to change anything, because he is afraid that it will only become worse. This is especially common if the victim does not have a ready -made escape plan – the roof over the head required for the first time of the resources.

They are hindered by financial and family circumstances

Family members who need them, domestic animals that need to be taken care of, financial dependence-because of these factors, many people are difficult to even think about breaking up relations with a partner, despite the brutal treatment.

“When we are financially dependent on the partner, we can’t imagine what we will live after parting,” the psychologist adds. Often the situation is complicated by the presence of children for whom the departure of one of the parents will result in new difficulties and experiences. Joint responsibility for children brings together, and break this connection can be very scary.

They are ashamed

Vexler admits that he did not have to meet the victim of cruelty, which would not feel shame because of his position. A person can be afraid of accusations from outsiders. It can scare the thought that others will begin to condemn: “Why did you choose it? Why didn’t you leave him? Than you provoked it?”

They still love a partner

Everyone who has been in a difficult relationship knows: love is illogical, and if someone makes us hurts, this does not mean that we will hate it for it. “A person wants a partner to stop handing him brutally, but at the same time continues to love him,” the psychologist explains him.

If it is not only about psychological, but also about physical influence,


it is most often impossible to save relations. But if the aggressor is ready to take responsibility for his behavior, make every effort to change, and at the same time understands the effect of his rigidity to a loved one, the chances of saving relationships are preserved.



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